Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.Female...... Any part under a car's hood.  Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.  Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.   Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.   Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.    Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.   Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.      Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.    Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.   Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.    Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.       Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.   She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?   She said. . . .... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?   She said . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?     She said . .We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?    She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?     He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?  She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

I was sitting in the waiting room at the ophthalmologist the other day trying to read a magazine, but for this woman chatting on her cellphone. Apparently the magazine selection did not appeal to her and she proceeded to make call after call obviously oblivious to the other people sitting in the crowded waiting room. I tried to ignore her conversations, attempted to concentrate on my magazine, but couldn't help overhear all her bantering and chattering.

Myself and all the other "strangers" sitting there in that waiting room learned her name, her son's name, where her son goes to school, when his karate lessons, soccer practice and piano lessons are, who his teacher is, what his learning disability is, that she is a widow, her date of birth and her social security number. As she made call after call, arguing with customer service reps, changing appointments, chatting to friends, the rest of us in the waiting room occasionally made eye contact with each other, amazed at the amount of information we were hearing. She continued to chat until the nurse finally called her into the exam room.

When she left, not only did the room become incredibly quiet, but we all just looked at each other astonished at how casual that was for her. The receptionist even commented at how scary that was. No one said a word to her or pointed out to her that she was perhaps using very poor judgment as to the content of her conversations. We all just sat there in amazement. I always wonder why people think that they live in a Cone of Silence.

What makes some people unaware or unaffected by the location of their personal conversations? I am often tempted to pull their coat and say to them, "What are you thinking?? How could you talk about that here??" But more than likely that would result in an unappreciated reaction from that person. I'm sure most of us feel the same way. If you try to "help" it will most likely backfire on you. And then again why should we try to interfere in someone's stupidity? Apparently these are the people who have such powerful guardian angels watching over them, that they have no fear of who is listening to the information they are putting out there. They are protected.

I started this blog to voice all those little observations from people I encounter during my day to day in the suburbs of NYC. The stuff people do everyday in the 5 boros of NYC that make me crazy or perplexed. Stuff I've noticed that strikes me as strange, ironic, annoying, funny or whatever. Maybe you've seen or heard similar stuff from people around you and you've thought the same thing.... how can they do that and not notice where they are?? I can't be the only one that rolls my eyes everyday. Lets see how much stuff ordinary people do in public that make other ordinary people nuts.